Updated: Jul 1
Honestly, we did not plan it, but we were ready for it.
But is there such a thing as the perfect age or the perfect time to have children?
I think not. I think there are more important variables to consider than time and age. And when I did think about it, I was always of the opinion that it is important to give myself time to grow into my own skin before attempting to raise a kid. This also stems from my mother's experience and how all that influenced me in knowing what I would want differently from her. Even still, that didn’t deter her from asking me about it at 27 which is when she had me. After I explained my thinking to her, I think she understood.
In retrospect, it all worked out and suddenly I can barely imagine life without our son.
Do I miss sleeping in more often? Hell yes! Do I miss making plans on the fly? Of course I do, but the flip side to it all is that I have this super cool and interesting human that brings out the best in me. And to be fair, we haven't completely written off our social life, we have been lucky to have found a great nanny (after many crash-and-burn attempts, we need a whole post dedicated to this).
A few thoughts...
My 20s were a roller-coaster of note, I can't imagine what life would have looked like if we had done it any sooner. I do think that as a modern woman, it is important to have these conversations with yourself first. I have seen many women debating the topic of becoming a mom someday versus not wanting to have any kids at all and I can respect both.
I think it is important that women are allowed to make this choice, without judgment.
It is important to bear in mind that having and wanting or not wanting children is a sensitive topic and not every woman is ready or willing to share their experience. Also their choice and none of anyone's business what she chooses to do with her uterus. Some women don't birth children but they are caregivers to their brothers or sisters. Some have tried to have children and have not succeeded. It is just so much deeper than we can imagine. I think of these women often and after reading Gabrielle Union's autobiography We Are Going to Need More Wine, I have become that much more mindful of these realities for a large number of women in the world.
Before I met Eddie, I did feel like maybe having children was not for me, but I also couldn't stop myself from imagining a world with a little boy or girl and teaching them things, sharing experiences, and traveling. I would often imagine what they would look like. When I met Eddie, it sort of happened naturally, suddenly the fantasy becoming more vivid and real, we would catch ourselves randomly referring to the future with a little one. As a mixed-race couple we even made bets on what he/she would look like, his skin tone or mine, curly or kinky hair, and the obvious, what would we name him or her.
Life is full of surprises and at 31, with even more responsibilities on my plate, I have not felt stronger, more confident, and more determined to become the woman I know I can be. I know my potential and finally ready to step into my light.
None of it came easy. I had to fail a few times and get up twice as many times. And all these experiences, I want to share on this blog. Like what I learned during my maternity leave, why the maternity policy of the company you work for cannot be overlooked. I look forward to expanding on these and just sharing my experience with hopes that it will give you an insight into what to look out for if you are thinking of having a baby or maybe you will nod in agreement and not feel alone if you are a mom already and had to go through the same.
Regardless of your experience I hope that you are proud of your journey and find strength in it. Our lives are not meant to look the same and I am proud of my generation for pushing the boundaries with these conversations, but also for being brave and modelling alternate lives.
I am a millennial mom, but I am also just proud to be part of the millennial women collective.